Monday, July 09, 2007

Trapped in A Balloon (the comentary iz the funniest part) What a moron!!

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Anger Management

Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying "Hello."I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude .

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi,this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had is number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow ranch, and the car's parked right out in front."

I asked, "What's your name?" He said, "My name is Don Hansen," I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

He said, "Yes?"

I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1. He said, "Hello." I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.) He asked, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah," He screamed, "Stop calling me," I said, "Make me," He asked, "Who are you?" I said, "My name is Don Hansen." He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow ranch, I have a black Beamer parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2. He said, "Hello?" I said, "Hello, asshole," He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." I said, "You'll what?" He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass," I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Just what I expected!

You Are Whiskey

You're a tough drinker, and you take it like a man

That means no girly drinks for you - even if you are a girl

You prefer a cold, hard drink at the end of the day

Every day, in fact. And make that a few.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Late for work and I don't know how to tie a tie....You Tube to the rescue!!!

So I waz late for work at the Art Gallery and I had my PLEATED pants, dress shirt, and Tie dry cleaned and nicely layed out on the bed, since I waz late my tie waz untied, after be ing pre-tied from the day my dad gave it to me. I had to get this tie tied....and fast!! I tried calling my dad at home and work to tell me over the phone how to do dice!!! I prayed to baby dice, One chance left......I log onto You Tube............DICE!!!! here'z the VDO that saved the day......

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

A meeting with Dad.

3 Months.....since i've seen my Dad. I've been so busy with work and gigz and stuff that I just can't seem to find the time to go home anymore. Today waz a different day though, he came to visit me after work, and I am super dee duper excited and stoked, but of course I don't show it, and I just play it cool when he arrivez. In hiz handz are some of my mail, and 2 "Jack Daniels holding containers", you'd have to see them to know what I'm talking about, but still he knows it's my favorite drink and I love the gift. Since my microwave is broken, and being the Dad that he iz and would rather fix it than take it back he bringz a screw driver to take it appart and see what the matter iz. Classic! Soon we are on our way to get dinner and a few drinks and he tells me about what haz been happening in hiz life since I've last seen him. Now my Dad iz a Hi-Fi nut, (Randy you know what I am talking about.) and az we eat dinner and down a couple beerz, like a kid in a candy store he tells me all about this new sound board he saw at a church conference a while back, he explains to me all the knobz, settingz, USB,Wireless, crazy controls and thingz you can do with this sound board that makes it so amazing hiz eyez light up like Christmas, then I tell him a bit about what I have been doing and my plans. We talk and talk and talk, about everything from the latest cars to women and he az alwayz givez me valuable advice about mine. (Thanks pop) Suddenly we start to talk about music......Uh Oh....better bring out my pad and pen to take notes, cuz when my dad talks about music, especialy Jazz music, that means school iz in session and I have to listen and make sure I'm up to date to keep up with him, I alwayz love it because he alwayz bringz out something new to tell me, and I am amazed that he knowz so much from so far back, I learned about 4 new playerz that I now have to go out and get just so I can try to beat him next time, but how can I? he'z the one teaching me. "sigh"! Anywayz after a few new tidbits of musical knowledge to digest, we get into some heavy talk, you know the kind, about Me and......well....future stuff, and just az alwayz, from when I waz 10 yrz old with my first crush and didn't know what to do about it, my dad doez the same thing when It comez to the subject of love.......he reaches out,..... sips hiz beer,..... looks away, nodz hiz head,... sayz.."MmHmm", and sips some more, all the while trying not to show any emotion az hiz eyez get kinda red, and changez the subject to something completely unrelated, I don't know if he'll ever talk about that kinda stuff too deeply with me, but you know what..... I FUCKIN LOVE IT, Cuz that's my Dad, Every time the same, and I don't want him to change, he'z the best, there'z no other. We order 2 more beerz finish our meal and head home, az he drops me off he makes sure I have everything, we touch fists, and give eachother a manly pat on the back. "Nuf Said". See ya next time dad, when we can find the time that iz.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Learn to play with your twanger and balls.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Crazy Jamacian Tour Guide

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

I miss my woman.....

And she just left..........

Saturday, March 24, 2007

The bigger your drumz....The better drummer you are.....LOL

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Cna yuo raed tihs?

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.