100 Thingz you NEED to know about Women!!!

Hello Again Friendz, It's the Ageman here with you for another segment of 100 Thingz You Need to know about Women. Were counting down from 100 to unlock the mind that iz woman. We left off at number 91 lastime and a fan of mine thought they were pretty hilarious, Yes the truth can be funny sometimez, but also dangerous when caution iz thrown to the wind like so many young men have experienced out there with women, It can be a messy sight my friendz, a messy sight.

So Lets continue our countdown Starting at # 90.

90. Just started dating?, Women want you to drive, even if it's their car.


89. A Girl would prefer to get a $100 gift from Tiffany & Co. than a $500 gift from Fortunoff. Why? Because her friendz will ask where she got it.


88. " If I give you my number on Friday, Tuezday and Wednezday are your best bets to score a date. Monday iz too desperate, Thursday iz too late." -Claire 27


87. Your female coworkerz are with the fact that on average women receive less pay than male counterparts,.......and the fact that they work less overtime and get pregnant iz irrelivant to the discussion.


86. Laying a towel over a wet spot iz like putting your jacket over a mud puddle for her, you noble bastard.


85. A recent study reveal that natural blondez could be extinct in 200 yearz, so unless hse'z Norwegian, her towhead could be bottled.


84. Sixteen percent of American men have been with a prostitute, scientific proof that most women are decent in bed.


83. Women alwayz want to beleive what your saying iz true.


82. Whant do women really want in bed? More balnkets. They get colder than men.


81. A Threesome iz NOT about you; it's about the two girlz. If your lucky enough to score one with your girlfriend or wife, enjoy sex with the other girl because it's a good chance it'll end the relationship.

Well folks there you have it, another 10 little lessonz to put on your back pocket. I hope I've helped some wandering souls tonite, so join us next time when we count down 10 more in an effort to unlock the mind that iz woman.......ta ta!

100 Thingz you NEED to know about Women!!!

Hello Friendz! Welcome to our first installment of 100 thingz you need to know about women az told by women themselvez and the writerz of Maxim Magazine for men. This iz a very in depth detailed list of situationz and circumstances that women go through, and put us men through unessassarily and without rhyme or reason and will be published in 10 installments over the course of 10 dayz counting down from 100......so without further edue' lets begin' Please use Responsibly

100 THINGZ YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT WOMEN!



100. Women enjoy having something wrong with them, like a headache or cramping or something. Remember: no matter how bad it gets, she'z still gona outlive you.



99. Most women will not have sex for the first time with a guy unless their legz are shaved. If your date shows up and you spot stubble, she'z trying to keep herself in line.



98. No matter how much she reassures you, if you can't get a hard-on she assumes your not attracted to her.



97. Beware of your girlfriendz single party friend or gay bud. They want her to be single with them and will encourage any bad behaviour az often az possible.



96. Jewlery! Now you know what to get her for a last minute gift.



95. The sight of you in your socks and underwear iz the biggest turnoff in the world.



94. NEVER trust a girl who haz no girlfriendz. She doezn't get along with other women because she'z either bat-shit crazy, or just plain mean.



93. Girls who say " I love sports" are lying, Girls who ask what time the game iz on, without specifying which one they are talking about, are not.



92. A random hookup iz more likely to result in pregnancy , because a woman have more sex when she'z most fertile.



91. She still haz the love letterz and cardz from past boyfriendz.



Well I hope you enjoyed that everybody, join us next time when we'll count down 10 more, az we struggle to unlock the womanly mind. Till next time.....ta! ta! (fade to black.......and we're out, roll credits)

I've become a regular telephone tough guy!

Ya, so I have been doing this telemarketing thing for a bit now, it's ok and I'm progresively making more salez each time. My least favorite people to talk to are Southern State Americanz, they talk too darn slow, and you have to retard your speech "so'z they can understand what ya'll iz sayin' "A HYUCK"!! And my absolute favorite to talk to are hardcore New Yorkerz, cuz they are hard to sell to, but tonz of fun to mess with, they act so tough on the phone,and when I don't give up, they actualy start to threaten me cuz usually there wife or some woman iz the Primary card holder, but they want me to talk to them, and I just tell them that I can't, and to stop being a tough new yorker a put the proper card holder on the phone please sir. It's really funny, they get sooooo angry, and I just piss them off to make myself feel better and it alwayz works and makes me laugh. Basicaly I go with the attitude that, if your not gonna buy what I have then I'm just gonna piss you right off over the phone so at least I get something out of it. I even call back to bagger them.

The bad newz iz after 2 weeks of doing this I have partialy lost my voice, which Natasha thinks iz funny, she often takes pleasure in my misfourtune, but whatever. An old lady that I called even told me to take Ni-Quill in the night for it, and Day-Quill in the day, with a spot of honey tea. It waz pretty cute.......she didn't buy from me tho.

anywayz this iz just a ranting update to keep my blog going.

P.S. This iz just a shoutout to Abby cuz she misses me so much from not being at the cafe' everyday.......Hi Abby howz it goin'?

Evalz...............

Laughs from Employee Performance Evaluations============================================For everyone who has ever had an evaluation - just remember, it couldhave been worse. These are actual quotes taken from federal governmentemployee performance evaluations.

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and hasstarted to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of adefinite won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a ratin a trap."

5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails toachieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it alltogether."

11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

15. "He's been working with glue too much."

16. "He would argue with a signpost."

17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the otherone."

20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn'tcoming."

24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out lookingfor it."

25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

29. "One neuron short of a synapse."

30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes."

32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

Fancy Shmancy!!!

So today I traded in my ball cap and pre-worn jeanz, for a comb and a sharp pair of slacks, complete with 3 pre-tied tiez from my father and one untied tie to practice on. I headed downtown on the bus to my first training session az a telemarketer promoting The Discover credit card. They take it pretty seriously, it's all office like in there, with cubicalz az far az the eye can see, and headsets and computerz, and paper everywhere, and coffee. Looks like a room full of buisness class rejects. And the chicks?...........Oh MY GOD!!!!!! SHMOKIN" After the powepoint presentation and filling out of formz, we went on a tour of where we would be working, and with all the headz poping up from behind the cubicals to see who the rookiez were, it felt like that "Whack- a- Mole" game at the carnival, I even overheard a guy talking to hiz buddy about how much money he waz making doing this job, but I also liked the atmosphere it created, very official and important feeling, in a big building, right in the heart of Hamilton downtown core. At the end of the day of training, az I walked out of the building, night had fallen, and with all the lights of the other big important looking buildingz around me I got a bit of an ego boost, cuz I waz comming out of a big building too, in buisness attire and a bounce in my step, all I needed waz a suit case like I alwayz see my dad carry when he goez to work. Ya I waz feeling pretty damn good and my ego waz getting pretty big, that iz until I went to the bank and checked my balance of $1.15 and realized I'd be taking the stairz up and down the mountain the rest of the week. lol, it even started to rain pretty bad on me az I walked home, I guess that waz God chopping me down a few pegz for getting a big head......what a guy. But I think it's gonna be ok for a bit even while I look for a different job. Even though the fancy clothez actualy start to feel comfortable after a while, the drumsticks will still alwayz be in the back pocket.....*wink*

(old negro voice) I gots me a job......a real, live job.......

Dang! I gots a job ya'll, just like them white folks on the TeeVee. It's part time for now, but I'll be a full time em.plo.yee, after 3 months o' trainin', and all I do all day iz talk to people on the telephonic and have them scream into my eardrumz for selling them some crap they don't need. I can't right wait to get started......In fact I'm gina sing a little ditty in celebration, you can sing along if you know the wordz.

"OOOHHHH.................Gonna........get me a shot gun and kill all the whiteyz I seeeeeeeeeeeeee.......Gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whiteyz I seeeeeeeeeeeeeee, gonna kill all the whiteyz with the shotgun I get me, gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whiteyz I seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!eeeeeeeeeee.

Store Warz!!!

http://www.storewars.org/flash/index.html

Some people Just drive too fast!!!

Some people just drive to fast!!!!